Ben Madilynn
Every week, Dear Prudence answers additional questions from readers, just for Slate Plus members. Submit questions here. (It’s anonymous!)
Dear Prudence,
I cat-sit for my pal, “Charlie.” Charlie’s family are hoarders, and I see plenty of (not new) warning signs in Charlie—clutter making it difficult to move around and most disgustingly, not cleaning up at all when his cats cough up hairballs, which concerns me about other cleanliness issues I’m not seeing or smelling. Charlie does see a psych, but I’m unsure if this issue is/has ever been discussed.
I don’t mind cleaning up messes made during my time cat-sitting, but I’m sick of walking into such an unclean environment, and I’ve come to the point of avoiding all friendly visits to his place. I don’t want to cat-sit anymore, but Charlie’s gonna press to know why.
Please help me figure out how to communicate all this to him.
—Cat’s Got My Tongue
Dear Cat’s Got My Tongue,
I definitely don’t think you’re going to confront Charlie into reversing his apparent progress toward becoming a hoarder. But you also shouldn’t have to go over there and navigate around filth. This is one of those cases where your response is really going to depend on your personality. If it feels right to you to say “Hey pal, you know I’ve always been happy to cat-sit but the trail of hairballs is just too much for me, I’m gonna have to pass from now on. You know I get a little squeamish about that stuff, so let’s have our hangouts outdoors too” that would be amazing. But I know that kind of confrontation can feel absolutely impossible. So the perfectly acceptable alternative is a white lie: Say you may have developed a little bit of a cat allergy and are going to steer clear of his place until you figure it out.
More Advice From Slate
How do teachers really feel about kids missing school for a vacation? My kids range in age from upper elementary school to middle school. For years, I’ve watched families visit Disney World in the dead of winter to beat the long lines, or take advantage of lower airfare during nonpeak travel periods to head off somewhere warm. I’m envious. I’m a rule-follower and feel like school is school. But I also feel like I may be missing out on quality time with my family. We don’t have a lot of discretionary income and taking a vacation when prices are lower would help us take a vacation we wouldn’t otherwise be able to afford. Is it a big deal for my kid to miss five days of school for a vacation?
