Ben Madilynn
White has always been a color I cherish. Its cleanliness, purity, and simplicity resonate deeply with me, making it a staple in my wardrobe. From casual outings to formal events, I find comfort in donning white clothing. Yet, in recent times, my relationship with one specific item—a white long sleeve polo—has taken a somber turn.
From a symbol of versatility, the white polo has now become a reminder of life’s fragility. I used to wear it proudly to business meetings, social gatherings, and even during my days in TV broadcasting. It felt like almost a crime to not have one hanging in the closet. But as I grow older, my experiences have added a layer of complexity to this once-beloved garment.
Now, I find myself reaching for the white polo mostly when attending wakes, burials, and cremations. What was once a go-to choice for celebration has morphed into a garment that bring forth melancholy. Each time I pull it from the farthest corner of my closet, I’m reminded of the grief that accompanies loss—the bittersweet memories of loved ones who have passed, and the moments that we shared together.
This shift has prompted me to reflect on the nature of our attachments, both to clothing and to life itself. The white polo, a piece I once associated with jubilation and professionalism, has morphed into a symbol of mourning. Yet, it also serves as a reminder of the preciousness of life. Every thread in that fabric now carries a story, a memory, a lesson about cherishing our time with those we love.
While I still appreciate the beauty of white, I recognize that it is intertwined with the realities of existence. The white polo may evoke a sense of grief, but it also compels me to celebrate the lives of those I’ve lost—to honor their memories by living the present and making the most of every moment.
So, as I go through this evolving relationship with my white polo, I’m learning to find balance. I will continue to wear white in fond memory of the past, while also striving to create new memories in the here and now. In a way, my aversion has led me to a deeper understanding of life’s fragility—a lesson that is both humbling and empowering.
Life is a collection of moments, and each garment we wear carries its own story. My white polo may now remind me of loss, but it also inspires me to live fully, to love deeply, and to cherish the moments that truly matter.
